flight of a one-winged dove

flight of a one-winged dove's first chapter was posted October 26, 2020. The main story was completed December 30, 2021. It was originally posted on AO3.

Fandom: The Untamed/Mo Dao Zu Shi

Pairing/characters: Nie Huaisang/Jiang Cheng, with background focus on Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji, Nie Huaisang & Nie Mingjue, Jiang Cheng & Jin Ling, Nie Huaisang & Lan Xichen, and Nie Huaisang & Jin Ling.

Rating: Explicit (very!)

Word count: 93k (100k counting the interlude extra)

Genre: Bleak, semi-epistolary erotic romp! A romantic comedy with a lot of grief processing, existential crises, and a transgender awakening!

NSFW content: Femdom, verbal humiliation, sexual inexperience/sexual exploration, CFNM, hand jobs, oral sex, anal sex, premature ejaculation, come eating, mild cock and ball torture (overstimulation/post-orgasm torture, dick stepping, cock slapping, light ballbusting), masturbation, body worship, service submission.

Content warnings: Mild suicidal ideation, gender dysphoria, self-destructive behaviour, references to abusive parenting.

Other notes:

This fic was started with the intention that I would never post it anywhere, and thus could be as self-indulgent as possible. I was encouraged by friends to share it, but it remains a personal project first and a product for general consumption second. That doesn't mean it's just a fluffy story in which nothing bad happens; there are some pretty heavy emotional undercurrents, though it's an attempt to carve out a "good ending" for the focus characters that feels continuous with their unresolved issues. Closely related: this is "trans headcanon" fic. It is also, on the whole, canon compliant. Contemporary terms aren't used, and I take a lot of liberties with concepts such as "qi manipulation for cultivational HRT", but there's no hedging about the fact this is capital-T Trans Fic, though it's about a lot of other things too. Along these lines, this is not escapist fic where characters' transness is incidental to the story. Rather, it's about self-actualization within a universe where there are gendered expectations placed on you from birth and there are consequences for straying from them.

NHS's gendered self-concept is not static throughout the fic. Relatedly, before the 20th century, the Mandarin third person pronoun for humans was 他 regardless of the gender of the subject (and he, she, and it are still indistinguishable in speech; the distinction is in the written character), so navigating a linguistic personal pronoun division in speech is not something the characters have to consider in-universe. As such, the use of pronouns within the fic is not necessarily intended to reflect personal "truth" beyond being a function of grammar. Another factor in mind is that I feel resistant to designating what, specifically, NHS' gender is in this story according to a modern Western framework (i.e. distinctions between binary and nonbinary trans experience, etc.), and following contemporary English language narrative conventions re: when and why pronoun switches happen in trans fiction complicates this. TL;DR if reading something wherein a transfeminine character is referred to by he/him pronouns for much of the story will feel bad to you, you may be better off skipping this.

On canonicity: this fic is largely based on the Untamed-verse's continuity, particularly in terms of age. The fic is set an unspecified number of years (no less than two or more than five) after the end of the series, and I assume that Wei Wuxian and other members of his generation were in their early twenties or very late teens at his death. Accordingly, sixteen-years-and-change later, Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng are both nearing forty. Fatal Journey is also taken as canon (besides the minor NHS-playing-the-flute twist, because I think it's dumb), and Lan Wangji, not Nie Huaisang, is Chief Cultivator. On the other hand, there are a few references to a MDZS-characterized Mo Xuanyu (though I describe him looking like Xiao Zhan instead of a tiny twink), and the situation with Nie Mingjue's body before, during, and after Guanyin Temple is taken from MDZS.

* Between 9 and 10 is an interlude: strike, dear mistress, and cure his heart.

flight of a one-winged dove

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